The Total Nazarene Diet

sunset-1283872_640

BY EMMA SCRIVENER

Summer’s here!  Your body may be Beach Ready, but is your soul Preach Ready?

Scared to strip off at small group?  Sick of comparing yourself to the worship leader?

Take Control and Fight the spiritual flab. It’s time to Take Back Your Temple – starting NOW.

Try our NEW 40-day plan: You’ve nothing to lose, but your sins!

Breakfast: Champions don’t just read their Bibles. They Do #Devotions, (now with 30% more Minor Prophets). Channel your spiritual qi by shouting “Jesus” “Preach it” each time you read His name.

NB: If you miss a morning, don’t beat yourself up.  Just have a triple portion next day.

Lunch: Don’t just pray. Pray SQUIRMM, (Sensory, Quizzical, Instinctual, Repetitational, Murmuring, Mellifluous). In clinical trials, SQUIRMM is proven to be twice as effective as our nearest competitor.

Dinner: Reread the spiritual classics – desert fathers, mystical mothers, and dark nights of the soul. Mix it up with our current bestsellers: Style Yourself Spiritual and Zumba Like Jesus.

Snacks: Choose from selection: Fasting/Tithing/Chanting/Meditation/Devotional Decoupage.

OR

You could just go to Jesus.

Emma Scrivener

Emma Scrivener is a Christian blogger who writes for her blog A New Name about a variety of challenging issues, always writing with power and passion.

For more great content, Like Lifted on Facebook.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s